Street Food

It's one of the great delights of life, and of travel--the miscellaneous morsels sold by street vendors that you can pick up for a song as you walk about. Where I live it's the rolled noodle lunches in the summer and the barbeque (on a stick) all year--tofu skin, cabbage, potatoes, pork, all barbequed, and then with their pickled salad on top--mmm!! Well, the description does is not nearly as great as the reality! In Hong Kong, it's a tradition to stop and buy the egg balls. Now, in Thailand, I'm enjoying the fruit--pineapple and mango especially. The other day I had a roasted banana, cut in pieces and on a stick, with a lite caramel sauce--all for about 15 cents CAD. A noodles or wonton breakfast was less than a dollar, and fresh squeezed orange juice about 30 cents. The barbequed chicken really smells good too.

Ah, simple pleasures in this life we live.

(Oh, btw, you might want to keep some charcoal (medicinal kind) on hand in case you wake up in the night with your stomach feeling a little odd--take 2 or 3 and you'll be good to go, enjoying street food again the next day.)

Danger

"There is no greater proof in the world of our spiritual danger than the reluctance which most people always have and all people sometimes have to pray; so weary of their length, so glad when they are done, so clever to excuse and neglect their opportunity. Yet prayer is nothing but desiring God to give us the greatest and best things we can have and that can make us happy. It is a work so easy, so honorable, and to so great a purpose, that (except in the incarnation of His Son) God has never given us a greater argument of His willingness to have us saved and our unwillingness to accept it, of His goodness and our gracelessness, of His infinite condescension and our folly, than by rewarding so easy a duty with such great blessings."

Jeremy Taylor, quoted in The Divine Hours: Prayers for Autumn and Wintertime, p. 648

Old Lady Dreams

I'm starting to get over the shock of being 38. (Actually, I think what it really is about is how close that number is to 40.) It surprised me the way I was thinking about it actually, especially when in this country you answer with your 'next' age long before your actual birthday. I've been saying, "I'm 38 this year," for months!

Anyway, I have now decided to turn my brain in another direction. I'm now thinking about what kind of old lady I want to be, should I have the opportunity to become one.

Earlier in the year I said, "I want to be a spunky old lady!" I still say that.

At someone's blog (I forget whose) I read about him attending a funeral of an elderly man who had been a mentor and inspiration to him many years earlier, but they had lived in different places in recent years. Someone else, though, who had kept up with the older man, commented that he had never stopped learning and growing, and his relationship with the Father was always fresh, right up to the end. I want to be like that. If I make it to the 80's or even 90's, I want to be always learning--from books, from other people of all ages, from God.

And, I want to be an old lady that blesses and encourages, not hurts and tears down, with her words.

That's enough for now. I've got years of work and 'being changed' to do to work on that last one alone.

Will let you know if I have any more old lady dreams. Maybe pursuit of the my old lady dream will stop me from being so shocked at the numbers as they go by, and not so tempted to get to "39 and holding."

Hmmm...I think I'm also going to have to come up with some "Coffin Dreams."

I Wanted To Visit

I wanted to visit you Jesus, really, I did. You said I should, and it's the one thing I've not done in that list. But when the opportunity came, I didn't. And yet I think it was right. You are in prison, and I didn't visit you. I could have tried, but it seemed best not to. See... if I visit you now, then later I might not be able to comfort your kids, and you gave them to me first. I'm not sure the kids understand. I hope they do. I think you do.

Why so Snarly?

I wish I was different, better. I wish what was in me, and comes out more easily under stress and when tired, looked better when it reveals itself. Different people, different surroundings, a different schedule and different pressures...have revealed the same old ME. Impatience (a little stretching and testing shouldn't be a problem). Irritability and pride (so what if they doubt me at every turn, does it really matter?)

I noticed some others this week too. Two couples--one--the words, the attitudes, not really what I imagine a lifetime of following should look like. Oh they were basically nice and kind, but there were those strained times...the kind I know about. Are those areas given over to Him? Can He grow them?

The other couple--I was inspired! In so many little ways, I could see the real LIFE in them and through them. The way they talked with each other, the grace and joy and laughter for easy conversation with those they knew and strangers they were meeting. Although at least in their 7th decade, they were so relevant. Yes, this is, I think, what it means to have a life transformed by Jesus. This is the life I want for myself.

This couple gives me hope.
This couple shows the way.
Yet they also show the cost.
Am I willing, to change my life and schedule, to such a degree that He has full access to me, so that the refining can really happen in earnest?

Born with the "Why?"

Why is it
     that I was born with the “why?”
And I really was
     ask my mom

It’s in me, central to my life
     Yet it irritates, frustrates
     even angers
     others
Don't they ask
     why?
Why not?

The answer is so important
     And must be evaluated,
     Is it worth the action that follows?

But first comes the why
What is it, the reason behind
     the action?
     the feeling?
     the knot in the stomach?
     the outburst of anger?
     the job move?
     the educational pursuits?
     the time spent doing ____?
     the kiss?
     the hug?
     the fist?
     the hit?
     the escape?
     the embrace?
     the joy?
     the pain?
     the courage?
     the endurance?
     the persistence?
Why?

And why change?
     Why grow?
     Why love?
     Why give?
     Why serve?
     Why risk?
     Why live?

King Jesus
     all my why's
     somehow lead back to you
     are related to you
     You gave me this life -- Why?

In Memorandum

You Would be Two

I don't know why I thought of you today
You would be two now

plus a couple of months
And your sister
older by at least nine

You would be laughing, dancing, running

Eyes full of light and life
talking, singing
Had you been allowed to live

Why did the thought of you, of both of you

come pouring at me today
Of how you left...
one, to who knows where
you locked in a room
your mother not allowed to feed you
till the cries grew weaker
and stopped
and you were taken and buried, only your father knows where
("father" NOT a title he is worthy of)

Your blood cries out

Probably your mom cries too
Why she went back to him
What's happening now
Is there another child
also in danger?
God save this one
If it's a boy, the father will let him live
Let him live, but please, save him from the father and his father

Leadership is...

We were coming back from a countryside school where there was a new principal. Just a couple of days earlier, at another school, my colleague found that their principal was new too. The second one confirmed that this was the same for a lot of schools in the county. Sitting beside me on the bus was someone who works in one of the townships, and has been moved around to different ones and in different leadership positions. Questioning him about that, he replied, "There are some things that are just hard to do, so you need to change often." For his positions two years is about how long he is one place. I still thought it strange. Wouldn't you be able to lead better once you were there longer and understood the local situation better? He finally spelled it out real clearly: "When you're in a place and people know your weaknesses, then they don't listen to you." Ah...so that's it.

I've been doing a lot of reading in Colossians lately--"the kingdom of the Son He loves" jumped out at me. I've been pondering this King, and what His leadership in His kingdom looks like--primarily from how those 3 years with His followers looked. He did not 'lord it over' others. He was completely authentic. He was so patient with His slow to learn followers. He won them over by who He was.

Today we had a meeting in our office. One hour of the time was devoted to each one (three of us) bringing up ideas from "Transform Your Workplace," that we could see could be applied or done better in our work situation. Ouch, some of it was hard, as some of MY 'weaknesses' came to light. I still don't know what to do in response to some. Gee, life would sure be easier if those I lead didn't know me so well. Maybe it's time for a switch of positions. Nah. I must choose another way, a way that requires more of me. How I need King Jesus to teach me humility. I need to listen for the truth in what was said, and change and grow where needed. Are there things that the other doesn't quite understand of the other side of the picture? Maybe, but I need to be careful not to 'spin' in my favour.

Welcome to our world

Every year I want to see it fresh.
Every year something new does seem to stand out.

Okay, so it's not new... I'm just thankful that He came into our world, into our lives, my life, the way it actually is. He is King, walking in the dirt among common people. He honours lowly shepherds...the only ones that get a birth announcement at all (well...except for the star and the wisemen). He makes a huge sacrifice, without ever making a big deal of the sacrifice. You never hear Him say, "Don't you know what I left behind for you?" Nope, He wasn't at all focussed on His lot. He could handle the crap, the sin, and not turn away. He's the only one who really does enter the mess of our lives and offer to be "with us" in it all.

My world...just the way it is. He's willing to come, join in, be a part. I want Him to, but I'm kind of embarassed about ... so many things. And yet He comes.

Welcome to our world... Jesus. Welcome to our world.

*Thoughts crystalized after listening to "Welcome to Our World" (song by Chris Rice, sung by Michael W. Smith) last week.

Tis the season

For a Friend, Away from Home at Christmas
(written Christmas 2005)

In all the hub-bub
--the trees, the gifts, the cards, the busyness
even in “Charlie Brown’s Christmas”
(trying to discern Linus’ message from the tree)
we keep trying to regain
that sense
what it was really like
what it was really about
that first Christmas

Yet somehow
in trying to explain
to others
where they have misunderstood
I wonder if
once again
we overlook our own omissions

And so I want to know
about one other
this idea
that is never questioned
along with the others
but perhaps it should be

From where did it come
this idea
that we need to be
“home for Christmas”

When did the season
with its sparkle and snow
become a time to seek
comforts
and community
those who know us best
and love us most

It was not like that
at the start
the first Christmas
a couple travelling
Mary—no Elizabeth to help her birth the child
Wise men, sent wandering
after a star

And the babe
as far as could be
from his Father’s embrace
in pursuit of something bigger and better
(though it looked so small
just a baby in manger)

And you dear friend
though bitter, may it also be sweet
this Christmas
so far from home
in pursuit of something bigger and better
(though it looks so small
just hanging out with kids)

this barrenness
this desolate
is a little closer
tastes a lot like

the
first
Christmas

May your Christmas, and mine, be blessed will all that was real and true about that first Christmas. If we get to be warm and cosy with those we love, thank Father for the extra blessings. If the season is a struggle, and hard. If there is sacrifice, and joy through travel, pain, tears and sacrifice, then maybe (only ‘maybe,’ not guaranteed) we’re getting closer to what it was really about. In any case, follow the star, to the Baby, and learn from Him how to live the season all over again.

How Can I Stop from Singing

See the Morning, by Chris Tomlim, is simply amazing. I've listened to it over and over again since I bought it at the iTunes store last week. The songs are catchy and yet majestic at the same time. I've had to stop and think though--while the music, and the words are such beautiful declarations of all that is true, I wondered if they were accurate expressions of my heart. I find that it's truth that I know in my head, but not always and necessarily the truth that is naturally resonating and bursting forth from my heart. Each song, then, becomes a prayer that my heart would know, like my head does.

Guiding me

I am trying to learn from David Allen a comprehensive method for managing and organizing my life. Yeah, I know, it looks like another one of those promise-the-world-change-your-life-fluff types of books. "Stress-free Productivity" --wow, doesn't that sound good? I saw it recommended on a few blogs and checked it out a bit before buying. As I read it makes sense. I've only done the first step in the first initial stage--collecting all the "stuff" (including ideas, projects, plans, etc), but that is amazing. Most everything has been coralled into a small space. Now for the next part, processing everything. That is the scary part, and where I'm most prone to fall. He does, however, give lots of specific directions and ideas about the filing system you need to have, traps to avoid, and processes that increase the chance that you will actually follow through on keeping up the system to make it work. Another plus with this book is that he makes no difference between how to handle your "personal" and "professional" life. What is needed is a system that works for both.

Wish me well ... I'm coming to the point of knowing that learning in this area is essential to being able to successfully move forward. My brain doesn't naturally figure all this stuff out--maybe yours does. For now I'm thankful for some specific directions for organizing my thinking, my house, and maybe I'll then be able to help my co-workers learn to better organize our work together.

Sustaining words

The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. Isa. 50:4 NIV

This was my heart's desire last week--what I prayed would be reality. I was scheduled to meet with some high school students in a bunch of half hour one-on-one sessions. Yeah, things went well. Nothing spectacular, but good.

Two days later... two more afternoon appointments... This time my words were neither instructed, nor sustaining. I realized it after it was already too late.

What happened? How did I mess up so bad? And my intentions with all these young people was so good to start with.

Yet on this day I had rushed home for the appointment, happy to see the student. I did not even think to stop and ask for His guidance.

Is it a formula? Pray a prayer and then conversations will go right? Probably not. Yet maybe if I remember to pray for that reality, I might also remember to listen, and keep listening. This is something that needs ongoing focussed attention. A one-time prayer is not enough.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Eph 4:29, NIV)

Go to the Ants!

It's true, I am suffering an ant invasion. Any crumbs left on the kitchen counter--the ants will find them shortly. If everything is as clean as can be, with dishes all washed, I won't see much of them for about a day. Then, a new line appears--a trail down a wall, over the counter, along the top of the lower cupboards. It's the bag of almonds this time. The Ikea clip for closing bags has not prevented their entry. Funny, I didn't know ants liked almonds.

The ants are diligent. And I... am so unlike them. They see a task and get right to it. I prefer to put it off for as long as possible. Hence the struggle with messes and clutter from which I now try to unbury myself.

I hear, and live, echoes from my past. "Put down the book and clean your room!" my mother says. Ah, but I'd rather read.

I think the ants are here that I might learn.

Joining the Discussions

My new blog is officially here!